I really haven’t felt like writing news posts, or any other kind of post, lately. Feeling overwhelmed and impatient, I think. When I start something, I want it to be done. Finished, insert fork, tie it with a bow, stamp it, ship it, etc.
I’ve been able to redirect that impulse when it comes to making the comic. Finish a script? Goal. Plan the art? Goal. Create panels? Goal. Post work? Goal. Assemble comic? Goal. It’s a broken down into nice chunks. Almost all of them have the common feature that they are pretty much rote. Follow the steps and it all come together. Not much thinking required. I know exactly where I am at any given moment.
The exception is in the planning of art stage. I figure that goes by because I mostly enjoy it. There’s a lot more talking heads than I really imagined when I decide to do this, and that gets tedious when doing the art, but not so much that I feel at a loss. I know I have N panels to fill, and I usually try to make it interesting. To me, at least.
News posts don’t really work for me. They weren’t part of the plan. I always wondered why artists even did them. Most felt like the kind of thing that the author really didn’t want to do. Reading an archive always seemed to stick to a pattern of ever decreasing blogs. I should have wondered why that was. Asking the wrong question. I know now, and that bugs me. Not the know, but the fact that I’m doing the same thing. These posts are forced by the nature of the business model. It explains why those who don’t stick to the basic model tend not have these things. It actually makes me want to skip out on that model, one the basis of “why do what you don’t want to do?” Isn’t that the point of self-employment? I think someone wrote a blog post on their life coaching site about that. It made me wonder if the author was aware that the gist of that article was, “don’t listen to life coaches,” but that’s a digression into my personal cynicism.
I never know where I’m going when I start one of these. They don’t fit neatly into the plan. It’s open ended. I never really know when one is finished. I just run out of things to say. It doesn’t feel like part of the creative process. That bothers me, a lot. There are a lot of elements to producing a webcomic that I’d rather not do. I accept them as necessary to my satisfaction with the work. I feel like this should number among those. I just can’t easily see the mental judo necessary to make that happen. I think that’s the root of the problem. As hard as all of this is, my passion for the webcomic has made the motivation trick easy. Whatever else the news post is, it’s not necessary to the comic. I’m beginning to see I don’t have a passion for the business in the same way I do for the art. I hope that’s because the business isn’t making any money. It’s just a loss and a burden. Hopefully, that will change and help to change my attitude. I can’t count on that, though. I’d really like to make these news posts a part of the art so that I can enjoy them too. Call it an ideal vision, returning back to the life coaching thing. Make what you do something you enjoy so that you don’t have to do anything you don’t enjoy, right?
LINA: It's the real deal, this time.
REY: When's the wedding?
LINA: I'm in love, Chica. I don't want to marry Danny.
REY: So you're just in it for the sex?
LINA: What part of "I'm in love" is so impossible that you can't believe it?
REY: What part of my on going sarcasm is flying over your head?
LINA: This isn't about the rent, or my feelings. You're pissed at me.
REY: No shit?
REY: Because this sucks and life isn't fair, Lina. I'm supposed to be happy you think you're in love, but that isn't happening right now. Maybe that makes me a bad person. I feel like a bad person. I had a shitty day, just received more bad news, and I'm feeling guilty because I just can't with your pink hearts squee fest.
LINA: Woah, chica. You need to get laid.
REY: AND I haven't gotten any in almost three months. THANK YOU for reminding me!